How am I supposed to...sing when your face is so freaking close to mine?
Zack and Kelly have a heart-wrenching breakup on "their" picnic table, during which Zack quotes lines from his hit song "Did We Ever Have a Chance." Meanwhile, Jessie gets up in Slater's face and makes a dying-cow noise that I guess we're supposed to assume is singing. Is it just me, or was she not this bad when she was in Hot Sundae? Must've been the caffeine pills.

Peace on earth, and goodwill to all the good-looking homeless people
More Christmas spirit, as the gang pimps Moody's Store for Men using some really awful British accents in the loosest adaptation of Dickens ever. Oh, and they also befriend some token homeless people.

Jingle Bells, Bayside smells
It's Christmas, which means it's time for the gang to learn some important lessons. Like how to tape the bottom of a box before you wrap it. And how you shouldn't buy a doll that pees all over you.

Palm Springs II: Revenge of the Aerobics Bimbo
Jessie learns that two fake headaches, a cancelled dinner, an attempted drowning and a few semi-mean insults are not enough to get a wedding cancelled, so she finally gives in. But not before she traipses around the golf course looking like Mary Poppins.

Jessie is so, so scared....that her stepmom is an Aerobics Bimbo!!
The gang heads to Palm Springs for the wedding of Jessie's dad. Jessie acts like a royal [bleep], Slater meets the princess of a made-up country, Zack hooks up with Kelly (but only after trying to get with Jessie's future stepmom), and Screech says stuff like "I hear ya, blood!"

Let's Stay Together Baby and be Friends Forever
The Zack Attack struggles against the odds to achieve worldwide success, then hits rock bottom with a painful breakup but eventually reunites for a reunion tour. And all in only 30 minutes! And with some fabulous sequined outfits! And without Jessie!

I still haven't found what I'm looking for (at the mall)
It's nearly Sunday, bloody Sunday at the mall as the gang finds $5,000 in fake money and gets chased by some thugs. Oh, and Zack cooks up a plan for scalping some U2 tickets that is not at all illegal in any way.

Only users lose drugs
There's no hope with dope! According to the Bayside gang and the late great Brandon Tartikoff, that is. However, Totally Made-Up Famous Movie Star Johnny Dakota begs to differ.

Chesski Victorynovich
Scandal and intrigue (not to mention gambling, assault, robbery, and kidnapping) run rampant at Bayside as Screech prepares to take on Valley's Russian exchange student in a chess championship.

Murder, mayhem & a mango tonic with a kiwi twist
It's the murder-mystery episode. Need we say more?

Is that an oil derrick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
The gang rescues some much-beloved oak trees that the rest of us have never seen from the hands of a Chris-Noth-lookalike in a string tie. Which doesn't matter much because their beloved pond animals already bit the big one in an oil spill. Tally-HO!